A typical day for me starts at 7am. I’m not including the odd 4am smack in the face wake-up call from our German Shepherd Kally. I have on occasion pretended to be asleep, but she only goes around to the other side of the bed to smack Paul in the face. I’d rather this not happen for two reasons. One, she will wake him up and two, if she wakes him up he’ll start snoring again.
This morning however she was told to get her fat ass back into bed. This instigated constant whining from Teddy, our Chorkie, to be let onto the bed where he continued to settle under the covers and snore like a steam train until my alarm went off at 7am. What with osteoarthritis pain in my right hip and sciatica in my left leg I got the grand total of 6 hours broken sleep.
The kettle goes on, the cafetière is ready, three sugars in my mug, and vitamins and medication are ready to take. The dogs are let out for ten minutes to do their business, sniff every single blade of grass, chase every single bird and squirrel and annoy our semi-wild cat Tilly, who comes to join us from her sleeping post in the greenhouse. This isn’t so bad on a nice morning but when it’s persisting it down and the wind is blowing up my dressing gown I am inclined to get a little impatient with them.
First black coffee of the day and I’m starting to wake up and feel a little normal. My eyes however still look like I’ve been punched in the face with a rock. Feed the dogs and cat their breakfast and settle down to watch some TV for 30 minutes. Then it’s off upstairs with the dogs in tow to make the bed and get washed and dressed. This is when the dogs get a little excited because they know they have a W.A.L.K soon. Teddy will attach himself to Kally’s back legs, and Kally has a bad habit of picking Teddy up by his head and throwing him around the room. Chuck into the equation me shouting at them to behave and lie down. My neighbours must love me.
My morning beauty regime doesn’t take long. In fact, it’s hardly a ‘beauty regime’ at all; I wash my face, brush my teeth, do something with my hair, tone, serum and moisturise. The only thing I put on my face is lip salve. I’ve been working since I was 17 and I’ve always worn make-up. Now, I don’t need to and it’s like a breath of fresh air. There was a time I would not been seen dead without my make-up on – now I tend not to give a xxxx! Take me as I am people.
Walking boots on and Kally is now getting a little excited. Once the harness comes out then it’s a fight to keep her still and strap the dam think on her. Teddy during this process is being trampled to death. Right, off we go. If I’m struggling walking it’s a short 30-minute walk; if I’m feeling energetic then it’s an hour. It’s quiet where we live, there are only about twenty houses and our house is only a few yards from the bank of the River Trent. If there are no dogs, cats, people or bikes then I will let them off the lead but I’m a nervous wreck. If Kally so much as smells another dog she’s off like the wind and Teddy is just stupid and likes to chase bikes.
Back home and time for another coffee and a bit of breakfast. I check my recipe app on my phone to see what I’ve planned for lunch and dinner. Today it’s a ham joint with new potatoes and veg for tea so out comes the slow cooker and on it goes for 6 hours. I had promised Georga some chewy gluten free cookies today, so I make up a batch in about 30 minutes. However, as with all my baking attempts it did not go according to plan. I normally bake the cookies individually, but I was feeling particularly lazy and decided I would just throw the mixture into a baking tray and then slice them when they came out of the oven. I did not take into consideration the shallowness of my baking tray and when I opened the oven door I was knocked for six with wallows of black smoke from the mixture that had bubbled over and was now a charred mess at the bottom of the oven. (Note to self, why did the smoke alarm not go off!). The cookies were brilliant though. I took a plate around to my neighbour and friend Stacey where the kids promptly demolished them.
Stacey looked particularly worn out! She has two young boys aged 7 and 5 and they are running her ragged during the school holidays. I suggested Stacey come to mine for a coffee and bring the kids, so off we traipsed. Jacob came with his bag of sand-filled wellingtons and clothes from a day trip yesterday and was instructed to clean them out once he got to mine. Noah following quite happily behind hopping and singing.
Kettle back on. Georga is now up and makes us all a coffee. The kids are put in the living room with four tubs of Play Doh, cutting utensils and stamps. They are given instructions that if they get any mess on my floor or on my coffee table I would hurt them; this was said with my best Al Pacino Godfather accent. They laughed nervously when I brought out place mats. The dogs attempt to steal Play Doh and so are banned to the dining room. The adults retreat back to the kitchen for more chin-wagging.
Stacey and Georga join in with the moulding of Play Doh whilst I slink off to the office to finish my end of year accounts. It’s dinner time and the kids are hungry, so Stacey takes them back home and I return to my accounts.
Quick visit to the shops and I continue with the accounts and my next blog post.
The Amazon delivery man knocks on the door and Kally goes apeshit! Teddy just follows suit because he thinks he should. Said delivery man is seen running back up the drive (I have a little chuckle to myself). I put the dogs away and shout him back.
My microwave rice steamer has arrived. I’m giving it a go because I’m fed up of cleaning the gas hob every time I cook rice. I’ve also got my lollie sticks as I like making chocolate covered banana iced lollies with sprinkles on. They’re a lot healthier – not just for me but for the kids next door too. I’ve also got my Teflon cooker liners (wish I had these before I set fire to the oven). The four ramekin dishes I ordered was reduced to three when I dropped one on the floor.
It’s 6pm, the boys are home from work, the dogs are going mental and it’s time for the evening routine. My decision to serve a ham joint for tea is looking like a non-option when I find Dom filling his face with it and Paul stating that he doesn’t ‘fancy’ ham! I’m slowly counting to ten in my head and trying not to combust! Frozen chips and beans it is then. Give me bloody strength.
The bath is running; Paul and I are laying on our bed contemplating when to move, and the dogs are throwing each other around the bedroom! All of a sudden there’s a loud crash from downstairs and I can hear Georga shouting ‘bad dog’! That’s the ham gone then.
Back downstairs, and the ham has been cleaned up. Oven chips in and beans in the microwave. We sit down to watch Magnum on TV for a bit. Dogs are taken out and it’s off to bed we go.
Back on the hamster wheel in the morning.